Category Archives: life

How to Live an Authentic Life

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“If you want to live an authentic, meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings, and living with the reality that some people just won’t like you.  It may not be easy, but it’s essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values, and needs.”

This is from Cheryl Richardson’s The Art of Extreme Self-Care.  I posted it on my Facebook wall recently and it hit home with many of my friends.

For me, this topic is all too relevant as my fiancé and I are getting ready to move to the other side of the country (his family would rather he didn’t) and we’re beginning to plan our wedding (my family would rather we include them in the decision making process).  In the midst of hurt feelings and misunderstandings, we have one goal — to remain true to what we believe to be best for the two of us.

This isn’t about getting angry, being rude or not listening to people who disagree with you; it’s about setting clear boundaries around the way you do your life.  It is up to you, and no one else, to determine this.

In the Heart to Heart I had with Jess Todtfeld (which will be posted tomorrow), he stressed the importance of doing what makes YOU happy.  People will have opinions no matter what you do, so you may as well focus on doing what you want.

How do you know what’s best for you?  Next time you’re in situation where you want to do one thing, and others are telling you to do the other thing, check in with your heart.  The heart, unattached to the ego mind that so often overwhelms our thinking, will always guide you.  You just need to listen in for its softer, subtle voice.  You also need to muster the courage to release the need for approval.  As Cheryl says, this is how you will reflect YOU throughout your life, and there is nothing more beautiful than pure authenticity radiating from your heart.

So go ahead…  Speak your truth, live from the heart and give others the freedom to do the same.

Be Your Own Guru

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this is an excerpt from a recent email I wrote to a client:

do I think you should “waste” more time and money on countless self-improvement programs?  no.  that being said, I also believe that personal development is the best investment we can make.

it seems like there’s a disconnect for you… (correct me if I’m off base)  you’re assuming that there is some specific end-point of your development journey where things will suddenly unfold into perfection and you won’t ever feel sad, lonely, hurt (etc…) again.  that is not real life, my friend.  the beauty is in the contrast.

I have spent tens of thousands of dollars on personal growth seminars, books, and programs.  I teach this stuff and I still continue to figure it out, work on myself, grow and occasionally fall down.  the choice is whether or not to get back up.

I’m not interested in selling you another program or signing you up for further coaching at this point.  do I believe you can have everything you want in this lifetime?  absolutely.  but YOU need to believe that for it to come into fruition.  coaches and therapists can guide, advise and help course-correct, but ultimately you need to do the work.  and doing the work is not attending a seminar, reading a book, or buying another coaching program.  the work comes after that in the day-to-day, minute-by-minute choices that you make.

be your own guru.  read and learn all you can, use whatever resonates as true, and throw out the rest.  and then apply it.

you are right… it HAS been a good effort, but “facing reality” doesn’t equal quitting in my book.  you have learned so many tools.  the next step is learning to use them, integrating them into your mindset and your routine, up until the point that they are healthy, unconscious aspects of who, and how, you are.  and then there will be the next thing to work on… and the next, and the next.  we are here (i.e., in this life) to experience, learn and grow.  you can either come from the perspective that it’s all a failure and there’s no hope, or you can embrace the journey and see how far you can go, how much you can shine.  the choice is yours.

Who are you trying to please?

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I noticed that I hadn’t posted any Kniss Connection videos on my YouTube channel since August — and admittedly, I’ve been busy.  Here are a few of the things I’ve been up to:

  • Moving from Portland, OR to Chicago
  • Developing a beautiful, connected relationship with my SoulMatch
  • Traveling to Salt Lake City, Maine, Dallas, Orlando, Mexico and Costa Rica
  • Creating a brand new program for my coaching clients

So… New year, new video.  Enjoy!

Awesomeness Fest

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Awesomeness Fest lived up to its name.  So many incredible people… Such a gorgeous location!

Here are a couple personal highlights:

David Morelli spoke on tapping into intuition, how today we are so connected through the internet, but how we are learning more and more to connect to our “inner-net.”  Brilliant.

Lisa Nichols was an inspiration — it’s easy to tune out words of motivation when I am constantly surrounded by them in my work.  For whatever reason, the space I was in and her words combined to stir up something within me that is still working its way into expression.  Powerful stuff…

Laura Silva, the daughter of Silva Method creator, José Silva, described her experience of putting into practice all of the personal growth tools to which she had access.  It’s an important question to ask ourselves how often we utilize the tools and techniqes we have at our disposal to continue to step beyond our comfort zones and into our potential.  Laura’s joy radiated from the stage and it was such a delight to connect with her.

I spoke on mindfulness and shared a quick exercise to recenter and disconnect from autopilot at any point in the day.  I based my talk on Ellen Langer’s research on mindfulness and the recent book, Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love & Wisdom.  Having someone like Chip Conley jump out of his seat to give me a standing ovation was such an honor. (Love you Chip!)

Vishen Lakhiani, creator of Awesomeness Fest through his company, MindValley, focused the whole event around the balance between being happy in the present moment and having a clear vision of success in the future — a state he would describe as being in flow.

At the end of the conference, Sean and I flew out of Costa Rica from a different airport than that in which we had arrived.  At first, it seemed like a huge inconvenience: having to take a tiny turbo-prop from a local airstrip to the international airport.  We quickly realized that it was actually one of the highlights of the trip — an opportunity to see more of the stunning countryside.  Here’s a quick taste…

Overall, Awesomeness Fest was truly an AWESOME experience.  I am so grateful to each and every one of you who added to the energy with your presence.

Life as a Spiritual Path

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Life is a spiritual path.  You may have heard people describing how they began their spiritual path, or found a spiritual path, but in reality, they’ve been on that path all along.

You cannot be on any other path except that of spirit, for, as Pierre Teilhard de Chardin noted, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Who is more spiritual?  A devoted monk or a successful businesswoman?  A member of the clergy or a wilderness teacher?  ”Spiritual” is not something you do, it is something you are.  And we are all spiritual beings, regardless of the occupation in which we work or the belief system we’ve chosen.  We are always on a spiritual path.

(This post originally appeared in ACM)

End Your Day with Gratitude

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End your day with gratitude — regardless of circumstance. Especially those evenings of days that don’t make sense, when nothing has gone right, when you cannot step from under the cloud that grayed your joy… this is when gratitude is most crucial.

There is always much to be grateful for, and every little bit helps to light your vision of a new day.